Am I Evil yet?
by Mako Streak
Summary: Ever since chatting with Swampking Kanan before the Templar had been interrogated, he had one single passion, a burning desire- be the leader of an A-Class criminal clan. Here was the clan. Here were the people.
1. Are we hopelessly evil?

This is my newest story. As you know, it's about a clan trying to be evil... And not quite succeeding. I'm just writing a cute short story! Enjoy! 

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"You know, I give up. I _give up!_" Killer Rayne yelled, naerly tearing her hair out. "You guys are _helpless!_ Do you hear? _Helpless!_" And with that, she leaped across the table and sprinted back into the jail, not caring as she trampled over the Defender at the door."SAVE ME! BACK BEHIND BARS! SANCTUARY!" 

"Are we evil yet?"one of the clan members sitting at the table demanded. "Are we helplessly evil? Malicious?" the Alchemist asked. 

Mackon di Cyrilias-Baguba, a.k.a Mackie, slammed his mug of beer down. Ever since chatting with Swampking Kanan before the Templar had been interrogated, he had one single passion, a burning desire-be the leader of an A-Class criminal clan. 

Here was the clan. Here were the people. 

But they were anything but evil. 

"Ya like my pompom?"Kiki offered, holding up the fluffy red ball. "See? I'm a moogle!" she added, sticking it onto her head with glue in an attempt to cheer up depressed Mackie. 

"That's nice, Ki, really nice. Now, let's try be evil on our own," he suggested. "Since Gukko, Kanan, the ShadowClan, Rushak, the Dark Duke, RipRed, Killer, the Bandits, Tubola Bandits, Clan Clatz-" Mackie listed all the names of criminals and Red-Cards that attempted to turn his clan into at least Grade Z criminals (Grade Z was the grade given to minors 10 and under for calling someone a "Bobo.") "So, I propose each day, one of us goes out and tries to be evil. They report back with the Judges hot on their trails and teach everyone else how to be evil!"

They all cheered.

"That's why he's clan leader!" Itty-Bitty (their White Mage) exclaimed.


	2. Hangus's Turn

Hangus, after drawing the Lucky Stick, had been chosen to go first while the rest of the clan went on their everyday jobs.

And walking down the main street of Cyril, the Gladiator discovered that it was harder than it seemed- until he saw a little unattended viera toddler and an ice cream stand.

So Hangus's plan went something like this:

_To be evil, you need to be greedy too. Ssso he would buy a two-sscoop ice cream and sssteal the little girl's as well! To show how evil he could be! There was nothing more evil and vile and foul than that!_

So Hangus put his plan to work.

"Excussse me, madam, may I pleassse have a- oh!"

The Elementalist behind the stand dropped a huge scoopful of melted ice cream onto thefront of the stand. She attempted to get over the frozen stand to clean it, but got stuck.

"Here, madam, let me help you," Hangus offered, taking off his sock and sopping up the brightly-colored sweet-sticky slop-puddle with it.

She looked surprised. "Well, thank you, I supposeI should-"

"Oh no, the pleasure isss all mine," he replied. "Can I have two scoops of ice cream?"

So Hangus got his ice cream, paid for it,and proceeded with the plan.

_Oh, I'm going to be ssso evil they can't stand me!_ he thought, bending down to the little viera girl, and attempted a stare-down.

"Who _are_ you?" she asked.

"Erm..." he flushed, not knowing what an evil foul-minded criminal would do. "I'm Hangusss," he said, taking her ice cream.

"Huh?" she looked confused.

"I'm Hangusss.The Gladiator," he said, looking at the half-licked off Kiddy scoop in his claws. "Here," he said, handing her his uneaten two scoops. "Have it."

Her eyes brightened and she looked up at him with a delighted face. "Momma would never let me get two scoops," she commented. "I've never had two scoops before..." Her face reflected wonderment as Hangus decided that he was evil beyond the worst.

_Heh heh heh... I'm so evil... _he thought, watching her happily eat her ice cream. _Taking candy from a baby! There's nothing more evil than that!_

"Bye Uncle! Thanks for the ice cream!" she called.

"Welcome!" he called back, walking away with evil thoughts in his head... _I am _so _evil! _

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At evening, he related his adventures tohis clan and the Class-A criminal with three Defenders standing behind him to judge.

_That's going to be me someday!_ Hangus thought, thinking of a bounty on his head and a place in the month's Wanted! list.

But when he got to the part about him giving her the ice cream, thesmirk wiped off the criminal's face.

"And it was an even bigger ice cream than hers?" he demanded in disbelief.

Hangus nodded proudly. "Aren't I evil?" he asked, beaming.

The criminal's response surprised him. "No! You're _not_ evil! You're nutcases, all of you! NUTCASES!"


	3. Cynthia's Turn

Cynthia the Summoner's turn was next, after she picked the Lucky Stick.

And upon saluting Mackie, she promised herself one thing- she would be so evil-minded, so vile, so foul, so awful that the Judges would forget about cards and jails and send her to a prison in the middle of nowhere. Oh yes. She would be _so evil!_

But what would she do anyways?

Then she spotted it.

"It" was the back of someone's house, a pretty but very dirty yard with muddy footprints of little bangaas and humans and vieras and moogles no more than six years of age (and two sets of viera and human adult tracks too) all over thestonearea and the wooden porch... Obviously it was enjoyed often judging from the fresh tracks.

That was brilliant! She would wait for them to come home, and then she'd summon Ifrit and blow the beautiful flower beds (right before their eyes too) into burnt crispy critters!

Cynthia smiled and hopped over the wall into the yard.

So she stood about waiting...

Well, there was a little stream running just at theborder to seperate it from the neighbor's yard... And it was a hot day. So Cynthia washed the mud off her feet and waited.

It was late morning. Waiting, waiting... The Summoner Headress was growing itchy and hot. She took it off and waited.

Waiting, waiting... The robes were hot too. So she took them off.

Absentmindedly, she soaked up water in her robes and waited to cool herself down.

Waiting...

It was noon. The muddy footprints were dry now, and frankly, it was burning up! She wouldn't even need Ifrit to complete the job if the temperature rose like this!

Waiting...

Cynthia began to peel the cracked mud off the cement. She never knew that being evil and malicious had this long wait!

Waiting...

So Cynthia was bored, more bored than a Summon on Rank-6 penalty Summon day.

So she began to splash water everywhere. The flowers were looking dry, so with a bucket and the stream, splash! They were healthier-looking and less wilted in a couple of seconds. There were little suckers sticking out of the roses that someone forgot to prune off... Off they went.

The muddy prints everywhere were starting to get annoying... Might as well make the presentation more dramatic anyways. So she began to use her robe to scrub the stone and the porch.

Scrubbing, scrubbing...

It was evening and Cynthia had finished scrubbing off the last of the footprints. She was tired, and her back hurt...

There was a scuffling at the door! But Cynthia, despite her acute sense of hearing, didn't hear. She was too tired.

A woman's face looked out of the screen door at the strange Summoner wringing out her robes in stream bordering the now-crystal-clean yard. Not a hint of mud anywhere- the yard looked like new!

"Oh dearie, who are you, you're so sweet, so kind... You don't even know us, yet you come and scrub the yard with your robes..." she exclaimed. This melted her dark and trashy opinion of today's clanners. Why, who was this Summoner, this... This... This...! She didn't even know them, yet she performed this wonderful deed-"Here, dearie, you must be so tired.Let me get you something to drink-"

"No thank you madam," she muttered, climbing away from the house and over the wall. "I'm real tired, I'd better get back to my clan.." she called over the wall, leaving three little faces and their nine little friends and two adult faces gaping at the sparkling yard.

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The Class-A criminal apparently had more hope for her tattered and muddy form...

Until she admittedthe part about forgetting to summon Ifrit.

"Oh that is definately the most evil, vile thing anyone's ever done! Well done, Cyn-" Mackie began to say when the Defender interrupted.

"Issssn't that a good deed though?" he asked, confused.

The criminal he was guarding groaned and thumped his head on the table.


End file.
